


I'm Going Back Out There Because It's My Job

by thewightknight



Category: Avengers: Endgame - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Self-Sacrifice, Soul Stone (Marvel), Vormir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 18:49:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18697216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewightknight/pseuds/thewightknight
Summary: What if things had gone the other way at Vormir?





	I'm Going Back Out There Because It's My Job

**Author's Note:**

> #natashadeservedbetter

“Why do I get the feeling that we’re talking about two different people?” Clint had asked.

They used to be evenly matched, but he’d spent the last five years fighting, and fighting dirty. Desperation gave them both an edge but it wasn’t enough. Ears ringing from the explosion, Natasha staggered to her feet. Even as she ran, she knew she wouldn’t be fast enough. He’d gotten too far of a head start. Clint took a running leap and vanished over the edge.

She couldn’t watch him fall.

It was wrong, how he lay there. Clint was never still unless he had a target in his sights. He was always pacing, or full of nervous jitters, fingers drumming out rhythms, foot tapping when they had to sit. Seeing him there, so far below, one leg bent, arms outstretched, she still couldn’t believe it.

Peripherally she noticed the lightning, the clouds that rushed up around them, but she didn’t take her focus off that motionless, distant figure.

“It should have been me.”

In the blink of an eye she was no longer on the top of the mountain. Water seeped into her suit where she found herself lying. When she sat up, she found her hand clenched. Opening it up, she saw a brilliant orange gem nestled in her palm.

 

When they all snapped back and the rest were laughing and clapping each other on the back, they didn’t notice at first that Natasha didn’t join in. Not until Bruce’s voice cut through their cries.

“Nat. Where’s Clint?”

 

Within seconds of Bruce’s snap, Natasha heard a buzzing sound. Sitting there on one of the counters was Clint’s phone. He hadn’t taken it with when they’d left. Crossing to the table, her breath caught as she saw the caller ID. Picking up the phone with trembling hands, she swiped the screen before lifting it to her ear.

“Clint?” Laura’s voice was tremulous, hopeful.

“No, it’s Natasha. Laura ….”

She didn’t finish the sentence. Laura knew anyways.

 

When she saw the ship hovering over the compound, when the explosion tore through the building, she only had one thought. She wouldn’t let Clint’s death be in vain. Tired, aching, heart sore, she ran. Ran through the tunnels, ran through the battlefield, ran like she’d never run before. Her heart pounded and her breath rattled in her chest until she felt like she couldn’t run another step and she kept going. She might have kept running until her heart exploded, but she’d never know. When T’Challa appeared before her, she remembered another time when they’d faced off against each other. As his hood retracted and he met her eyes, she could see that he remembered too.

She handed the glove off to him, fingers passing over that orange stone, and he was off.

 

As she landed the Quinjet in the field next to the barn she could see them all standing on the porch, watching her. Nathaniel clung to Laura. Lila and Cooper had their arms around each other.

She didn’t have much to bring them. Clint hadn’t ever left anything at the compound, which was good, because then it would be buried. She had found one thing, amid the rubble and dust.

Cooper took the baseball glove from her without a word. They stood there in silence for a few moments, and then Laura reached out her arm.

They all cried, standing there, holding onto each other as if some of them might disappear again, drift away in a cloud of dust. Natasha didn’t realize she’d been speaking, saying the same words over and over, until Laura replied.

 _It should have been me_ , she’d been repeating.

“It’s all right. It’s okay. I’m glad you’re here.”

Lila looked up at her, eyes red, face puffy, then crumpled into her again.

“Auntie Nat,” she sobbed, voice muffled in Natasha’s coat.

“I know, _myshka_.”

 

There was nothing to bury. Natasha had a marker made anyways – a simple headstone, engraved with a bow and a quiver of arrows. They put it out in the field, next to the tree where the target still hung.

 

Natasha went out one last time to say goodbye before she left.

 _"Whatever it takes,"_ he’d said.

“Goodbye, my friend.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you want to say hi, [check out my profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewightknight/profile) for where I’m currently hanging out on this here internet thing.


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